June 25, 2008, Wednesday, the date I should not forget in my entire life. On that day, I had no presence of mind that’s why unwanted things happened during my clinical exposure at the intensive care unit. I admit, I was so very much super, to the highest extent, DUMB because simple monitoring of vital signs was not perfected. That’s why, my infant patient, living under the power of epinephrine and potassium chloride and many other medications experienced cardiac arrest and I wasn’t even able to approach anyone for it. Crazy things happen all the time but having to experience it in a hospital setting is way much different, I tell you. I don’t know if it was my fault, or what, but what I really know is…I’m overwhelmed by my conscience. The guilt embedded in my mind and soul makes me weaker and weaker each day as many other problems accompany the situation. I am depressed and still am trying to suppress that feeling within me. However, no matter how I try to be stronger, there will always be the unknown ‘thing’ that drains my energy. Hence, I wind up doing nothing for myself, disrupting my daily activities. Honestly, I’m already a miserable person, and I don’t want to experience more misery in my life because my small brain cannot handle all those emotions. I thought, after I sleep, everything will be OK, yet I was wrong, for sleeping is merely palliative. I intend to make it up this time since our group will again be exposed to the same area. I pray and will always be asking for strength and guidance as I will take good care of critical children. I don’t want to inflict pain to other people, and if somebody powerful could manipulate all things, I can accept various forms of pain but I’ll ask that somebody to save those who don’t deserve it.
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i guess, having a blog is like having a pet.. you have to feed it so that it will have its own life.. you have to take good care of it and entertain it from time to time. hence, having my own blog will be another responsibility i would endure but in a way, i'm glad i have this account because whenever i'm hindered to tell someone what i'm thinking, i automatically type what i rationalize and save it for me to re-read again, though strangers could have read it as well. i don't care actually. maybe, i'm just clinging on to the era that i'm living in; i am entering the world of technology which aids in the distribution or sharing of personal data to other parties who could benefit or be entertained of what's presented in front of them
- BOB ONG